So, I’m Kentucky born and raised. This is no one’s fault of course but I think it’s rather unfortunate sometimes. Now don’t get me wrong, growing up here was great objectively and the issue I have with it is more so due to society than the actual place. I grew up in a suburb surrounded by people who did not look like me and it has left much to be desired as the years go by.
The main desire is culture. I longed—and still long for— culture. Somewhere to belong and people who get me. Yes, I’m African American and African Americans do have culture but that never truly felt mine in a way. I bought a 23&me kit a few years ago and the knowledge had been interesting; but at what cost. Now I’m aware of all the cultures that make me who I am genetically, but I can never truly be a part of them the way I want.
I’m America born and raised so claiming Nigerian culture doesn’t work (even though it's the majority of my genetics). I don’t feel truly at home in AA culture because for the most part I haven’t experienced a lot of it due to my environment. There are lots of black people who have grown up in predominantly white areas and that doesn’t make us less black (even though I know some might think that). Also though, the “black experience” I’ve had in Kentucky is far different that the experience one could have in a majorly black area. Of course, there are things that I have experienced that are just a part of being black in America, but I feel like I don’t feel a sense of connectedness with others like me. At least not in my daily life.
I can’t even partially claim for personal trivia the Native American genetics I have either because 23&Me won’t tell me what tribe(s) and tracing everything back from me to those ancestors is taking a long time, longer than I’d like. I think it’s funny how the most detailed section of the DNA assessment is the European one; and it’s not even the majority. There’s so much that makes me me but I feel detached from it all. I feel like I have nothing and the thought of what could’ve been plagues me. Of course, due to colonialism, there’s no way to know what I’d be like if my ancestors were able to hold on to their traditions and identities, but a girl can dream.