If I’m being completely honest, I don’t think I’ve ever really liked my hair. Growing up I was usually one of the few if not the only black girl in most situations and it made me feel different in various ways. Over the years, I’ve had peers refer to my hair as frizzy, greasy, things like that. I don’t think any of the comments were made with ill intent and it was when we were young, but those things have a way of sticking.
I have always felt my hair was too different to fit in with my mainly white friends, yet it wasn’t nice or pretty enough to fit in with black people either. It’s short with tight coils and never seemed to be what I wanted. I could never wear the cute styles everyone else did and I hated it. I still do. Forever that awkward length— too short to do anything cute with but not short enough for minimal effort.
Even in my twenties I still struggle with my hair. Still in that awkward length, and I still don’t even know how to actually manage the hair I was born with. Of course, learning anything takes patience—something I tend to not give myself unfortunately. I’ve definitely gotten better with my hair, but too many a hair styling session end in frustration and tears.
I’ve come to realize I mainly seem to like my hair when it’s in styles that my peers have said looked better (i.e. braided or straight). That isn’t to say I don’t like those styles; but why do I feel prettiest in styles that fundamentally change my hair? My hair is not long—never has been— but yet I insist I look better with long hair and am left feeling dissatisfied with what I actually have.
I am learning to love myself, and what makes me me— including my hair—but of course all challenges take time.
i think hair is something every black girl has to navigate unfortunately but it’s very important to grow to love and appreciate your hair and by extension your blackness. thank you for sharing your journey and your relationship w your hair