I’m the textbook definition of a late bloomer. At twenty (soon to be twenty-one) I’ve never kissed, dated, been to a party, gone to a club, etc. unfortunately. I have many thoughts on this of course. Most of those thoughts start with the word ‘why’. Why does no one ever want to date me? Why does no one invite me out? Why do I have no friends? I know I’m not the most exciting person in all honesty, but to have absolutely zero invites to events or dates is kind of baffling and upsetting.
I just want to be a cool girl. I just want to be fun. I just want to be wanted.
I’ve tried dating apps to no avail, it was only this summer I began to realize that those weren’t going to work. I have always been skeptical of them but the disappointment in coming to the full realization that meeting someone from hinge wasn’t going to miraculously turn things around for me was not fun. I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out why I lack so much experience and how to remedy this issue with no success. I tell myself that my time will come but damn, I want it now. When I moved away for my freshman year of college, I even brought a pair of “party shoes” foolishly naive in thinking I would ever need them. I sometimes find myself fantasizing about even the toxic party lifestyles riddled with bad decisions because at least then I’d have some excitement in my life.
I highly doubt I’d become a serious party girl, but I wish I had the opportunities to even think about going out. I don’t even need to go to crazy loud and packed parties, I would be more than happy with a night out with my girlfriends (theoretically considering I only have one friend currently). If nothing else– at least it’d be a reason to get cute.