growing up and apart.

+ thoughts on "low maintenance" friendships.

By this time, I’m no stranger to losing friends and feeling lonely. The hardest part of these experiences though aren’t the actual daily effects of losing someone close; but the thoughts that come with the process. 

I am soon to graduate college and I can confidently say I only have one friend. Now, most would say it’s better to have a few good friends rather than a lot of fake friends– but what about If you’re lacking in all departments. Growing up, I had tons of friends, and I was happy that way. As the years went by, the amount dwindled down. Some friends moved away– some friendships didn’t end as cleanly. I know the feeling of being phased out of a friend group and being ignored all too well now. In all honesty, I ended up better off without those people in my life but the emotional damage of losing so many friendships still lingers. I had begun to see myself as the “if all else fails” friend when I was in high school because I was never the first-choice friend. Which was a drastic change because once upon a time I was someone that people valued more. I always chalked it up to my friends finding cooler, more interesting people to spend their time with. Even though I tried to make peace with this notion, the losses left me thinking “why am I not enough?”

Now in college, people seem to value ‘low maintenance’ friendships but personally I don’t agree. To me if you want a friend that you don’t have to talk to or engage with, then you don’t want a friend and chances are you aren’t thinking of others feelings. I get things in life can get crazy but if you don’t prioritize communication in friendships then there is no point in even trying to make friends. Wanting someone at your beck and call but never caring any other time is not a friendship to me. Maybe this is unfortunately the way of the world now though. I for one try to stay in consistent contact with people I consider friends but I’m at a point that I’m not going to wait forever for people to want me. If I can’t get someone to even try to respond in a timely manner, I’m not going to text. Period. It’s not that I want things done on my time, I want others to respect my time and feelings. 

All in all, I’m tired of being the only friend to ever put in effort.