Grasping for faith
Thoughts and feelings on religion
I wish I was religious. I feel that most questions of faith are of those loosing it. What about the people searching for it though? As the years of life go by most people in a religious crisis are afraid because the way they associate their faith with their lives is changing. I.e. loosing steadfastness in their religious beliefs. Nobody really tells you (or at least not me) what to do after feeling neutral all these years.
I grew up in a Christian family, my grandmother is even a reverend back in Chicago. I never really felt serious about my family’s faith though. I prayed at dinner, at bedtime, when I wanted something, upon getting in the car etc but that was about it. As I got older, I’d begin to describe myself as “spiritual”—believing in something but not sure what that something was.
Now for the past few years of my life, I’ve found myself wishing I was religious. That I found comfort in the thought of someone or something guiding me through life and watching over me. Manifestations and ambiguous affirmations can only bring a girl so far. But what does one do when no religion seems to speak to my soul? How does one even “get into” a religion?
As of right now I’m planning on attending a couple church organizations on my campus but I have some reservations. What if it isn’t what I imagined, what if it is. Best case scenario I enjoy it and end up going every Thursday night; worst case scenario I dislike something they say and never come back. I think deep down though I’m hoping it’ll be some sort of life changing experience but I don’t want to be disappointed.